Thursday, March 12, 2009

Could it be love???

Just to initially clarify, I am not in love. I am not even close. The analysis of my love life is the following...

1. I might be afraid to commit.
2. It's not that I'm afraid, it's just that the spark is consistently missing that I am waiting for.

I have heard both of those and I'm not really sure which one of those categories I fall into. So, I pose a question for all of you dear people who are happily situated in a relationship.
What role did initial attraction play in your relationship. Now to clarify, I do not mean mere physical attraction! I mean that spark that makes you giddy. That pushes you from indifference to hope for something more. The spark that makes you want to know the person. I have found that in my life with some guys, that spark is just automatically there. I can think of very specific examples and that spark has directed my dating in the past.
However, maybe I am being too rash. Maybe I shouldn't shun the guy because the spark isn't initially there (in all cases...although it definitely has been in some). Maybe I need to wait and see if that spark can develop. Or, maybe the lack of spark at the beginning is a sign that he is a great guy....but as a friend and not as anything more.
I have been very concerned about this lately - between giving guys a chance and between settling for someone (that's great and wonderful) but that is missing the spark. I don't want to ruin a perfectly good opportunity, but I also don't want to lead a guy on unjustly.
It is an interesting quandry. So, opinions, advice, I'd love to hear it. I'm stumped on this current issue.


  1. "You don't want to be in love, you want to be in love in a movie."
    That's an easy one, I know. But I do have a point to make. I think a lot of people place too much emphasis on feeling that electricity, that "spark", etc. For me, the day I met Jon I felt instantly comfortable with him. I wasn't intimidated, I wasn't nervous, I felt like I could talk to him about anything. And I never thought it would lead to marriage...but we stayed in touch and the more I got to know him and the closer we became as friends, I fell in love with him. So it wasn't an instantaneous spark, but more like a warm glow that grew and grew. And now, 6 years later, it's like a roaring bonfire. :)
    Here's the other thing - you just need to learn to trust your instincts. Don't close the door on someone because you can't picture yourself marrying them after the first date. And don't rule out the nice guy friend because you don't get butterflies when he walks in the room.
    good luck!

  2. wow. Becky, you already heard my opinion on the matter, but Jen, you could be an advice columnist- seriously! It felt like I was reading Dear Abby!! Haha.

  3. you know our story...and it worked! give it a chance if even a piece of your heart can be in it. and yes, we do need to get together soon! i was jealous that brandon got to see you and i didn't. thanks for your number.

  4. I have to agree with Jen. When I first met Zach there was no sparks, I thought he was cute and a nice guy. We got to be friends and then after a year of working together in a call center we had that date. And here I could quote Jen, " I felt instantly comfortable with him. I wasn't intimidated, I wasn't nervous, I felt like I could talk to him about anything." Most importantly I didn't feel a need to play games with him, I was myself and it was honest. And that's when I felt the spark, when I felt giddy just being with him. I knew he wasn't perfect and most importantly he knew I wasn't perfect and we were both willing to love each other despite that.