Monday, August 31, 2009

Tender Mercies

So I'll be honest. I've been complaining a lot in the last week. Okay, complaining isn't the right word - the truth is that I just haven't been trying to find the positive in the different aspects of my life. I've been realistic instead of hopeful and optimistic. Sorry to all those who've talked with me in the last week. I tried to put on a brave face, but somedays I didn't succeed.
But...
I'm pleased to announce that I'm on the uphill climb of the roller coaster. For the first few weeks of my job, I've been trying to fill in the void of 8 hours - usually unsuccessfully. Today, I've been busy (up until I started writing this blog) and it was blessed to go from client to client! And, I've been bummed that I haven't been working with hispanics, but today, I worked with a little hispanic man and his wife who didn't speak english. And, it gets better. They were Chilean! What happiness. My heart pitter pats at the thought. Needless to say, it was one of the moments that said to me, "Becky, stick with your job. Things are going to be okay!"
Then...
Yesterday I went to church and left simultaneously happy and a little bummed. But then I went out with my dear roomie Annette - who is often a lifesaver - and was reminded of all the great friends I have. I just passed the whole night away and suddenly it was 11 and time to go to sleep. I had lots of fun and it definitely rejuvenated me and reminded me that even with the recent break up with a little someone special, life is pretty good.
And...
My newest niece is on the verge of being here in person so I will now be an Aunt to 2! I wasn't around when Lizzie was born, so I'm pretty excited about this.
And...
Everyone is going back to school which means that Provo life is going to be crazy and hectic for the majority of the people, but that means that I will not be doing assigned homework but learning at my own whim and doing my own projects, which I have a list of.
So...
No more complaining. It just requires way too much effort to do so and to live that way so I say we all buck up. As a very wise man once said, "Your future is only as bright as your faith."

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Two Observations from the Sidewalk....

1. Running definitely isn't my strongest point although I have greatly improved in the last year. When I'm running I always give myself a pep talk - I promise myself rewards and I try to convince myself that only if I run all the way to the end will the cute boy of my dreams be waiting there. That's usually good motivation, but today I had an epiphany. I always think that running to the end represents life pretty well - the whole endure to the end. But then today I realized, sometimes you won't make it to the end if you run - you'll pass out and die first. Sometimes in life, walking is good enough - as long as I'm not stopped walking might just be my best after the long run up the steep hill.
2. I've realized that when I get frustrated with life, angry, upset, any of those negative feelings I have the tendency to want to run away...to South America. It represents an escape and a solution to any problem I feel like I might have. So when the frustration comes, I start checking out all the airline prices to South American countries. I talk with any friends to see if I can convince someone to go with me (Does anyone want to go on a vaca to South America???). I look into humanitarian aid projects (okay, I do that anyway) to see if I can find one that will send me there. I think maybe I should just get a job there...haha. Then, the frustration starts to slip away and I realize what a great life I have here and then I return to my normal periodic, instead of obsessive, plans to travel to South America. What silly things do you do to get out your frustrations??

Friday, August 21, 2009

The Ups and Downs of Life

Up -
That feeling I get after I help someone at work to change their life.

Down -
The days when I have done everything at work that I could possible think of and still have 6 hours left in the day.

Up -
The days that are wreck free on the interstate and I still have time to have a life after work.

Down -
The really irritating days that it takes nearly 2 hours to get home with no possible way of shortening the time.

Up -
The days when the high is only 80ish with a delightful breeze.

Down -
Yesterday - over 100 degrees in a car for an hour with no A/C.

Up -
Having a strong boy to throw me around and make me feel like a princess while Dancing.

Down -
The fickleness of feelings.

Up -
Having passions in life.

Down -
Not knowing how to make them happen.

Up -
The days when I don't have time to take a lunch to work and am forced to eat a McDonald's hamburger for lunch. Yes, this is an up!!

Down -
When I get to work and realize the lunch I'd nicely prepared is made with spinach that has gone bad...

Up -
When I am inspired by something that I've read.

Down -
I'm not going to write a down because I feel like if I have an equal number of ups and downs, that's a little pessimistic.

Up -
Wherever I was in my dream last night. It was a very happy and beautiful place!

There you go. That sums up the thoughts and feelings of the last few weeks. As for the day to day adventure of life, I feel sometimes as lost as always. I thought that ended with graduation, haha. It turns out that I'm really great with the long-term vision and goals of my life. It's just the little short ones that throw me for a loop; but, all is well.
Happy Saturday.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Grown-Up

My summer of post-graduation bliss is quickly coming to a close. It officially ends on Monday when I become a grown-up. I graduated from high school in 2002 and enjoyed the college life (off and on between transferring schools, a mission, and an internship in Ecuador) until 2009. That's 7 whole years of college instability and spontaneity. It's the life of even though I have a job, I can always find someone to pick up my shift. It's the life of no paid vacation but also no set amount of vacation days. It's hoping I don't get sick because I'm too old to be on the parent's insurance and too poor to buy my own. Well, on Monday I start my new job of 40 hours a week, 2 weeks of vacation time a year, my own health and dental insurance. I went to check out car loans yesterday and the possibilities of getting a new (to me) car because I just don't know how long the little Purple Pontiac will last commuting to Salt Lake 5 days a week. I'm excited for the stability that will come with the new job - no more Friday nights or Saturdays at work. The official work day will end at 5 and I won't have to come home or run to the library with the stress of homework and tests. I can learn whatever I want, however I want to learn it. Despite the advantages of this next step of life, I'm a little nervous.